You Know...
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You are getting old when...
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...you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're
down there.
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...your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, " and you answer,
"Pick one, I can't do both!"
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...your friends compliment You on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
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...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
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...going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
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...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have
to go along.
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...you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
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..."Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
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..."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
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...an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
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You Have Nothing to Do at Work...
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The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General
White-Out has called for a new skirmish.
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You are a redneck when...
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You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front
of her kids.
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You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
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You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
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Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
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You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
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Someone in your family died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
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You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
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There are more than 2 cars up on blocks in your yard and 5 dogs under the
porch
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