>Two problems:
>   1) I don't have a PIC24 C compiler
>   2) I don't have a PIC32 C compiler

Well, both have freely downloadable versions, which do full optimisation for 
about 45 days IIRC. After that they don't do optimisation, unless you enter 
a registration code that you buy. It is a one-off purchase, that gives you a 
code for life, i.e. the upgrades do not need a new key.

>Are there any normal-pitch (i.e. 0.5mm, 0.65mm, 1.27mm...) SMD-packaged
>versions of the PIC24 and PIC32?

Yes, there are some 28 pin PIC24s with USB, which are even available in DIP 
IIRC, certainly in hobbyist useable SMD. Check the device selector at 
Microchip.

>Do they even have any onboard Flash?

Yes, but what you may need to watch is they don't all have data EEPROM. 
There is a method of using program space flash as data EEPROM.

>I was under the impression they were meant more as CPUs than MCUs...

The line is getting very blurred, especially with the new 20 pin PIC24 chips 
(don't have USB though).

They do have other nice features like PPS (Peripheral Pin Select) which 
allows you to map certain of the peripheral blocks like I2C, SPI and UARTS 
to pins where they are the most convenient to you, instead of deciding that 
you cannot use the I2C because you need the UART that is on the same pins 
...

And having all the RAM in one block instead of paged like the 18F and 16F 
chips ...

And a proper vectored interrupt system where you can set the priorities, 
along with trap vectors for a number of things ...

and so the list goes on. 

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