Lots of vinegar out there - eh, Hoser? Let's have another beer... Jack On 3/15/08, Dario Greggio wrote: > ...and this was the answer... :-))) > > > To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland > > We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting > for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. > > As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a > world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! > > However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On > the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new > policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have > little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to > continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It > seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards > step" by the majority of the world. > > To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have > compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt: > > 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't > always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your > "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name > "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the > name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other > elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the > _original_ spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we > dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the > process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and > a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the > Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering > that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by > a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor. > 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then > we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. > 3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - > 97.85 = 2.15) > 4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. > Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, > and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've > also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a > year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing > pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front. > 5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title > whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem > has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule > Britannia ditty, it's toe tapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt > "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys. > 6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: > United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer > Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing > at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without > having your fans start an international incident. > 7. Learn how to cook. England has some top-notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar > chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in > your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary > arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you > finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you > how to cook. > 8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error > is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is > pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England > than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and > Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies. > 9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies". > > Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian > soap operas. > P.S. - Regarding WW2: You're Welcome. > -- > http://www.piclist.com PIC/SX FAQ & list archive > View/change your membership options at > http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/piclist > -- http://www.piclist.com PIC/SX FAQ & list archive View/change your membership options at http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/piclist