>
> > Well, we've been thinking a lot about where we are with this.
>
> Honesty is the best policy.


Exactly.  We were taught this as kids, and yet somehow we have to re-learn
it.

I'm always amazed at how people react to things, not only when they are
> complete jerks; bigots or just generally unaccepting, but also am I
> amazed,
> from time to time, at how accepting, understanding and kind people can be.


Something that Stan Dale teaches in the HAI workshops I mentioned a while
back:
"I know you, you're just like me".
So very very true.



> Thank goodness for the many thousands of other people who have not been
> afraid to share that they have exactly the same makeup! The internet has
> been wonderful for that; indexing private blogs, or web page or whatever
> of
> these people who are not "normal", "vanilla" or "straight" so that the
> rest
> of us can type in a few keywords and say "whew, at least I'm not the only
> one."


Yes, and "normal" describes a smaller and smaller set of people.


> There are things about me I can't share because it would hurt others, but
> when I can be publicly honest, I will be, and when I can't, there will be
> a
> web page or a blog or something where I have shared my experience.


Exactly.  I ran into this when I thought I might talk to lori's minister
about some things.
It became immediately apparent that I couldn't trust him any farther than I
could throw him.
My UU minister is thankfully, a completely different animal.

My step daughter is in love with a wonderful young lady, and in supporting
> her, I learned that a large percentage of the teenagers who commit suicide
> do so, at least in part, because they can't handle both the angst of
> coming
> of age along with the stigma of dealing with the fact that they are gay.
> And
> those kids can find all sort of examples of positive role models for gay
> people. (yes, along with a lot of negative ones and unacceptance, but my
> point is that they know they are not alone)


FWIW, the UU churches have "welcoming congregations" that are openly
welcoming of GLBT members.  I don't know if she's looking for that or not,
but again, FWIW..  They also have a poly group which we belong to.

What about the kid who realizes early on that he is only turned on by feet?
> Or the woman who finds she can't enjoy sex unless she is tied up? (don't
> laugh, I'm being serious). Or the people who find it absolutely impossible
> to say "NO" to anyone? Or who are so shy, that they feel destined to live
> their lives an aching loneliness.


It's amazing how much baggage we hang on to such relatively harmless things,
and how much terrible pain it causes.  As long as everything's being done
honestly, between informed and consenting adults, then WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

At our level 3, we had a fellow that had serious issues.  I can't say much
without violating confidentiality, but he had a "button", and when it was
pushed, he became immediately violent.
The staff handled it so fast and so completely that I was left with a "what
the hell happened" reaction, and they helped him through it, with great care
and love.  I can't say he's completely through it yet, but he's made a lot
of progress.  The "button" issue was something that anyone else wouldn't
even give a second thought to.  After the incident, you might think that
he'd be shunned, or avoided.  Not a bit.  Everyone was supportive, and
caring, and it went very well.

Before the internet, without the internet, how can these things be
> addressed?


HAI's "room of love" is one way, but it's not nearly enough bandwidth.
The net allows you to don a reasonably safe alter-ego, and to open up to
people who you won't have to face tomorrow at work, or probably anywhere
else. Of course the problem with that is that you never know really who
you're opening up to.. One has to be careful in either world.

And they are scared to death, perhaps for good reason, that
> their friends, neighbors, bosses, and loved ones will find out about their
> problem. The world doesn't want to be around them, but they have no where
> else to go. The level of denial is amazing.


Why is it so hard to treat another person with compassion?

I know I've never been a "hard case", but HAI has really opened my heart.
I'm glad of it, and I'm never looking back.

Say "I know who and what you are, and I want to get to know
> you and be around you so I can make damn sure you never do anything bad in
> my neighborhood." It's the quite ones who are hiding away from the world
> who
> end up blowing it up.


When people decouple from society, they can easily go WAY off the rails.
They can start to think of other people more as things than as people.
Any social interaction with other people has got to be a good thing.
I'm not saying that they should be put in tempting situations through
misguided trust, but they can be treated like human beings, and encouraged
to rejoin the human race.

As a grateful recovered alcoholic, I know that asking for help can bring
> great rewards when there is a general understanding that I didn't ask to
> be
> this person; that I was not choosing to be a drunk; that my problem could
> be
> controlled once I admitted it, ask for help, and accepted the result.


None of us is a "superman".  I'm proud of you James.



My wife and I are much happier since we have openly admitted
> what turns us each on in bed. "You like WHAT!" (quick Google) "Oh, I guess
> that isn't that weird..."


:)  Wierd is what OTHER people do..

So, when people understand each others strengths and weaknesses, turn on and
> turn offs, problems and solutions will come together and fewer lives are
> wasted.


Exactly.

Some day, we must get together and share an appropriate beverage or three.
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