Are you working intro a ex-comunist company from Est Europe? Brrrrrrr Miki ----- Original Message ----- From: "Lousy Engineer" To: Sent: Friday, January 24, 2003 5:52 AM Subject: [OT]:Sorry for the Rant > I hope by the time this letter is read by those intended, I would have left > CBE long ago and ready to begin life anew. I have been rotting from the day > I enter this company and continue rotting till the very last day. I hope the > fears, the mental obstacles and the failures never followed me to my new > job. I may not have a new job, perhaps, I resign for the sake of stopping > further rotting and get a grip on myself. Why not? A menial and labourful > job is much more meaningful. > > I saw K, started to draw a new PCB for a new Immobilizer. And I am > sad. Why? Why can't mine be used? Why were there no discussion? Where were > my fault? I simply don't understand. No one wants to help me to come out > with the Immobilizer. No one wants to get involved. Everyone is doing their > own things and I mean very OWN things that served OWN interest. There's no > spirit of cooperation, no spirit of discussion. > > I have my own fault and failure, I will have to admit. For more than 6 > months, I have been 'designing' Immobilizer II. What took me so long? And > the end product is imcomplete up till now. I analyse for quite some time and > identify the main culprit. This culprit is inside my very own mind. I wanted > to do things perfect but lack the experience. I am helpless most of the time > and the prospect that the product will be installed to a car frightened me > so much. The possibility that people lives will be lost and the > responsibility will be borne by me Alone is very depressing. Constantly > during the development process, I received no help, or vague help from > others. The self prepared schedule was not followed. There are numerous > times that I just stop doing anything, just because i am unsure of myself, > unsure of the decision made, afraid of the brushing off by K and unsure of > the next step. I am constantly struggling inside, WHAT ARE THE NEXT STEP??? > WHAT SHOULD I DO AFTER THIS? AM I SPENDING TOO MUCH UNNECCESARY TIME FOR > THIS STAGE???? > No advice is available for me, no one is there to make sure i keep to my > schedule, no one is concern at all if the Immobilizer is completed in time > or not. As for myself, I sink into depression quite often, and instead of > moving on, I stop and surf and read everything under the NET, news, stories, > health product. I give myself excuses, I procrastinate. I started to hate > everyone in the office, I hate P for his attitude of constantly protecting > himself, of not being open, I hate K for constantly doing private project > and discussing it openly with P, all these while I am struggling to decide > whether to add another diode to the board!!! I hate them because they are > the very people that are capable to helping and making a difference but did > not. Needless to say, my R&D manager, has never been concern with the whole > company. All he does is making calls to numerous people and students, some > to argue over late rental payments ( i am wondering how many houses he > owns ) and some to arrange for tuition time. His time is preoccupied in > increasing his personal wealth, and making sure that every cents that goes > out of his pocket is worth the value. He never bothers on what we are doing > and in fact he know NUTs about electronic. He protocopy his tuition workbook > while we had our lunch, ( he eats gardenia for lunch ) and duplicates lots > of pirated VCD borrowed from frens. ( just to save that few dollar and fyi, > it cost just USD1.50 for the latest block buster ). He even took the trouble > to protocopy the cd cover and cut it nicely... > > Personally, I feel very sour about all these, I feel underutilised and I > feel guilty accepting the salary for nothing done. I know i am not lazy and > I know i am capable of doing things. I know, my limit is more than this. I > know....i just need some help, some guidance and assurance, after all, i > am still a rookie engineer, i have my own mental obstacles, i have my own > self doubt. God, help me. > > > > > --------------------------------- > Do you Yahoo!? > Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now > > -- > http://www.piclist.com hint: The list server can filter out subtopics > (like ads or off topics) for you. See http://www.piclist.com/#topics -- http://www.piclist.com hint: The PICList is archived three different ways. See http://www.piclist.com/#archives for details.