You are going to have a job if you really want it to be universal. See
comments below

>- Can decode as many different types of IR codes
>as possible (Consumer equipment)

A problem you will have here is that there are something like 6 different
carrier frequencies in use for IR remotes in the 36kHz to 56kHz frequency
range. Go to the Sharp website and look for the data sheet for the GP1UC10X
receiver chip for details. On top of this Sharp apparently use a 500kHz IR
remote for some of their consumer products - see AN1140 from Agilent.

>- Can notify of incoming commands (decoded "data")

This is probably the easy part once you can determine the carrier frequency.

>- Can send IR codes (under control of external system)

See comment above about carrier frequencies, although if you can determine
the carrier frequency, then it is probably easy enough to generate the
correct drive.

All these bits I found by looking for sensors for IrDA use.

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