In message <20001119003154.A2278@earthlink.net>, Mike
<reznaeous@EARTHLINK.NET> writes
>In the light of your nation's increasing irrelevance in world affairs, and
>in an effort to preserve your quaint culture, The Disney Corporation has
>decided to buy the entire nation and convert it into a theme park.  To
>ensure a smooth transition, Michael Eisner himself will be overseeing this
>operation.
Can't we have P.Y. Gerbeau, he made such a success of our Millennium
Dome with his Euro Disney training.
>
>A few changes are to be made immediately:

>3)All English slang is banned.  The word "fanny" will now properly refer to
>the posterior.  You can keep "bollocks" though, as it's sort of endearing.
You find bollocks endearing? Fine, whatever floats your boat.
>
>4)Parliament will be replaced by a large gallery of sexual deviants,
>cross-dressers, alcoholics, and bribe-taking do-nothings.  They will have no
>actual power.  No one will notice this change.
As opposed to your system of government?

>7) All other British sports (cricket, rugby, etc) are irrelevant.  The
>stadiums and grounds used for these sports will be converted for use in
>repeated, unending Britney Spears concerts.
And this is in some way different from the present?
>
>8) As it was entertaining the first time around, the Hundred Years' War is
>started again.  The pretext is unimportant.  For argument's sake, let's say
>it's for failure of the French men to insist on shaved armpits on their
>women.  Or their insistence on not bathing and covering their stench with
>cologne.  Or wearing speedos at the beach regardless of state of physical
>fitness.  Hell, everyone hates the French, not just the British.
No argument here.
>
>We would suggest having the USA, UK and Germany declare war on Italy and
>Japan out of jealousy, but then we'd end up sending all of the troops and
>the UK would send no enlisted men but a dozen generals who would insist on
>running the campaign.  So you can stay home and eat kippers instead.
Not even going to mention the number 27 and George W. Bush. Damn, too
late.

>10) While Disney applauds the UK for inventing the steam engine and the
>locomotive, please realize that you can't run a railroad for the life of
>you.  Let us handle it.
Say what you will about Mussolini, at least he made the trains run on
time. I rest my case.

>12) All British "cuisine" is banned, as it would not be used for fodder in a
>civilized country, much less eaten by a human being.  British national
>cuisine will now be considered pizza and curry dishes.
Accepted, on condition that you put Jamie Oliver to death or at least
banish him to some god forsaken land (Wolverhampton?)
>
>13) All residents of the UK shall be forced (at gunpoint, if need be) to the
>dentist for corrective orthodontia, crowns, bridges, etc.  Any Brit without
>a full set of choppers shall be shot on sight.
This, coming from a country where the combination of clinical obesity
and shorts is considered socially acceptable.
>
>14) Hugh Grant is to be slowly burnt at the stake.  His ashes, carefully
>preserved and not allowed to blow away, will be fired by NASA into the sun.
>Liz Hurley may live.
Awww, Liz and Hugh made such a lovely couple, it would be a shame to
split them up, burn 'em both at the stake, please (although it might be
difficult to differentiate between the stake and Liz Hurley)
>
>15) All residents of the UK may continue to look down their noses at
>everyone else on the planet.  Otherwise, how would we know they were
>British
Don't worry, we will.
--
Clint Sharp

--
http://www.piclist.com hint: The list server can filter out subtopics
(like ads or off topics) for you. See http://www.piclist.com/#topics