My apologies...

>Date: Tue, 29 Jun 1999 07:38:45 -0400
>From: Dogbyte <dogbyte@MightyCool.com>
>Subject: The Year 2000 Problem
>
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>    \\        {|||}    _\____    Computer: (noun)
>     \\      {|||}    /  ----      A person who tabulates numbers;
>      \\--------     /             accountant; actuary; bookkeeper.
>      /             |
>      |   DogByte   |            -- Merriam Webster Dictionary (1946)
>      \| ----------- \
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>        ==           ==
>
>There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. For the
>sake of this story, we'll call him Jack. After years of being taken
>for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX
>programmers and Client/Server programmers and website developers,
>Jack was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant
>specializing in Year 2000 conversions. He was working short-term
>assignments for prestige companies, traveling all over the world on
>different assignments. He was working 70 and 80 and even 90 hour weeks,
>but it was worth it.
>
>Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll
>on Jack. He had problems sleeping and began having anxiety dreams
>about the Year 2000. It had reached a point where even the thought of
>the year 2000 made him nearly violent. He must have suffered some sort
>of breakdown, because all he could think about was how he could avoid
>the year 2000 and all that came with it.
>
>Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics.
>He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. This
>was very expensive process and totally automated. He was thrilled.
>The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after
>the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day.
>Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.
>
>He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the
>revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare
>minimum, and that was that.
>
>The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room
>filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe
>it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras
>(unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came
>out of a science fiction movie.
>
>Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped
>forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "It is over?" he
>asked. "Is 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and
>promotions and crises all over and done with?"
>
>The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the
>programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't
>been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later,
>not the year 2000. But the spokesman told Jack that he shouldn't get
>excited; someone important wanted to speak to him.
>
>Suddenly a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image of a man
>that looked very much like Bill Gates. This man was Prime Minister of
>Earth. He told Jack not to be upset. That this was a wonderful time
>to be alive. That there was world peace and no more starvation. That
>the space program had been reinstated and there were colonies on the
>moon and on Mars. That technology had advanced to such a degree that
>everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact
>anyone else on the planet, or to watch any entertainment, or to hear
>any music recorded anywhere.
>
>"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is
>everybody so interested in me?"
>
>"Well," said the Prime Minister. "The year 10000 is just around the
>corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL."
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