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Understanding the Other
Helen Fisher: The science of love, and the future of women
Anthropologist Helen Fisher takes on a tricky topic -- love –- and explains its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its social importance. She closes with a warning about the potential disaster inherent in antidepressant abuse. Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She's best known as an expert on romantic love, and her beautifully penned books -- including Anatomy of Love and Why We Love -- lay bare the mysteries of our most treasured emotion.
- Men want to figure things out for themselves. That means they don't want to talk about it, because they want thier own solution, not someone elses. Men have been taught to repress thier feelings to the point that they often don't actually know if something came from them or from another. The inner voice is so muted that it takes a lot of silence
- When men are quiet, they quite often simply aren't thinking about anything at all. But if they are thinking about something, especially if ti's related to you, it may very well be that they don't really know what they are thinking. At least not completely. Let them figure it out before you pry thier mouths open. Women seem to just say everything and expect others to average it out. Men average it out first, then say exactly what they mean.
- The best thing any one can do when talking to a man, is to give him time to finish talking. If you would just wait... wait 30 seconds after he stops talking before you say anything. Do you think your man is shallow? Do you think he doesn't share his deep emotional thoughts with you? Well... Try waiting 30 seconds after he stops talking. Just try it. Please?
- A mans value is defined in society by how well he can solve problems. Women can look good, men must do good. If you come to a man reguarding a problem, and you just want to talk about it, you must be VERY clearn on that point. Even then, he is going to have to sit on his hands to keep from trying to solve the problem for you.
- A lot of things a man does or doesn't do, which may seem silly to you, are the things he learned from his father or masculine role model at a formative age. If he wants his toat burnt, even if it doesn't really taste good to him, it's because that is how his dad wanted his, even though his mom and sisters (or brothers who were just children) all wanted thiers lightly toasted. Silly little differences like that often take on great meaning to a boy. The fact that it doesn't make any darn sense at all has nothing to do with it. Suggesting that he might like regular toast for a change is a challenge to his manhood. Don't try to change it unless it really hurts you.
- Everyone has a hunger to feel warm, soft, contact with anothers skin. Even if he won't admit it, he loves to hold hands.
- A good man will enjoy knowing that other guys are checking you out. You checking them out? Not so much.
- A good man desperatly want you to tell him exactly what you want. He may not give it to you, but he wants to know.
- Honestly, watching porn doesn't mean he's bored with your sex life. It just means he's really interested in other people's.
- Men concentrate on one thing at a time. As a result, they are not seeing all the things women are seeing. He doesn't pick up the socks off the floor, because he is concentrating on whatever goal took him through the room. He will see the socks, at least enough not to trip on them, but the idea that it may need to be picked up just isn't going to register. Now, if his goal is to clean the room...